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So sexual-massage, yeah? It’s like a massage, but spicy, innit. Them hands ain’t just kneadin’ ya back - they’re goin’ *places*, fam. Little-known fact - back in ancient times, them Chinese emperors was gettin’ these rubs to “balance their chi” or summat. Probs just an excuse to get freaky, haha! Makes me laff thinkin’ about some posh git in a robe tryna play it cool while he’s all oiled up.

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But wait! I bump into my buddy Carlos on Calle de la Cultura. He’s like, “Dude, you look like you’ve been through a hurricane!” I tell him about my day, and he just laughs. We end up grabbing some street food. Tacos al pastor, man! Best decision ever.

Figure 1: The island of Vieques used as a military bombing range. The...